FALTER

Today, was a really great day. I spent the whole afternoon with Myka and Abby and Yumeria.
I also realized a lot of things today. Things I was really stupid not to notice. One, I was really fortunate, to have so many blessing poured down to me. I was very lucky to have all these blessings with me, i was lucky to have such good people surround me. I was lucky to have so many friends with me. I have a family to go home too. It might be loose and full of chinks, but it’s still a stable one.
I may have a lot of fences before me, I might have some nails planted on my grounds, but I know, I will always have band aids and a safety aid kit waiting for me after I cross this line.
For the past weeks, I have been down to the sewers; Unable to see the silver line under the heavy clouds. I thought about giving up. I did. And now, I realize I was really stupid to do so. One bad habit of mine, is shouldering everything on my own. And I end up dying if not physically, mentally and spiritually.
I do not talk to anybody. Unless they talk to me about something important, I will reply with thrift sentences. It affected everything I did. In school, in work, and at home. Nobody knew what was going in my head. But they knew something was wrong. Everything seemed to feel apart for the first time in a long time. And I was shot by surprise.
But thanks to my lovely companions, I feel much better about my family issues. Thank you guys~
=

Will people truly be happy in this world? Some would say yes. But not everybody agrees with the statement. Life is very unfair and we humans, as we are, have to live with this painful fact.
Recently, I have seen a person, who is exactly like myself. When I first saw him, I thought “Oh my god… Is this him?” I did not know him until my friend who has his friend introduced us. And then, at that moment, I felt the assurance that he was someone who will create a big hole in the history of my burn book. My story.

And I wished for us to see each other again. And it came true. We did met again, and along the process, we text each other and exchange e-mails. Like how normal friends would do. We are now friends.
And I knew inside me, that the feelings I have yet to label were growing rapidly inside me. But I have to stay as his friend or else I will lose all my privilege of being a friend. Free talks, free hugs, free company. All those things were broken into pieces when he told me he liked someone I knew very much.
Someone I also loved.
A special friend; and I was no match for her. She has everything a girl could have and a guy could ask for. She was the perfect doll, the perfect girl for him. His type. And then there I was, standing behind them , feeling awfully stupid for having false hopes.

I am slowly falling for a guy who is out of my league. Someone who is going to the top while I am left at the bottom.
*sigh*