EXTREME PARADIGM SHIFTING

♥♥♥~


♥♥♥~

so my last post was done some time in July. It's already November.... 2010 will almost say goodbye and hello New Year. But of course before anything else, Christmas must be celebrated. ( ^ w ^ )/

So many things already happened after I updated my blog and I must say, I feel regret for not being able to update my Brain Juice. ( > . < ) Life has been very demanding nowadays and leisure is already a luxury only a afew can have.






Even so, Life can now be considered "worth it"... This is the first time I admitted this fact~ and I'm happy I realized this. Thanks to this person I met months ago~

You know who you are~ and I thank you for everything [LOL] ♥♥♥

THE USUAL SHIZZ

things can always get out of hand when you're on the REAL world. and life's unpredictability is one of its selling points. So let's start... My last update was months ago... School is mostly the one that's been in the way... But it was fun.

A lot of things already happened in that span of 2 months. Ugh ~ > A < Love and Craziness is always paired up when it's bout me. and everything has been twirled into this so-called sundae of weirdness and bliss. weird statements are also coming out of my mind so you might as well turn off your monitor if you dont want to hear/read more of this crap.

i met someone.


















will I srat with this again? hohoho~ ^ A ^ YES. A dude I guess... > w < and he's very very very very VERY (did I say very?) lol, VERY much like me. In a way. we're opposites but at the same time, very similar. he's perfect. well, the problem is, he's too perfect for me to reach him.

-SENTIMENTAL MODE ON!!!-

here we go again, asuming stuff that's nowhere close to reality. Girl paranoia is eating me alive. But I'm very happy my NEW SET of friends are there for me. ^ A ^
I'm happy. Very Happy about my friends but I admit there are a lot of things that are still bothering me in life.

i will be posting again... soon I hope. ^ A ^

FALTER

Today, was a really great day. I spent the whole afternoon with Myka and Abby and Yumeria.
I also realized a lot of things today. Things I was really stupid not to notice. One, I was really fortunate, to have so many blessing poured down to me. I was very lucky to have all these blessings with me, i was lucky to have such good people surround me. I was lucky to have so many friends with me. I have a family to go home too. It might be loose and full of chinks, but it’s still a stable one.
I may have a lot of fences before me, I might have some nails planted on my grounds, but I know, I will always have band aids and a safety aid kit waiting for me after I cross this line.
For the past weeks, I have been down to the sewers; Unable to see the silver line under the heavy clouds. I thought about giving up. I did. And now, I realize I was really stupid to do so. One bad habit of mine, is shouldering everything on my own. And I end up dying if not physically, mentally and spiritually.
I do not talk to anybody. Unless they talk to me about something important, I will reply with thrift sentences. It affected everything I did. In school, in work, and at home. Nobody knew what was going in my head. But they knew something was wrong. Everything seemed to feel apart for the first time in a long time. And I was shot by surprise.
But thanks to my lovely companions, I feel much better about my family issues. Thank you guys~
=

Will people truly be happy in this world? Some would say yes. But not everybody agrees with the statement. Life is very unfair and we humans, as we are, have to live with this painful fact.
Recently, I have seen a person, who is exactly like myself. When I first saw him, I thought “Oh my god… Is this him?” I did not know him until my friend who has his friend introduced us. And then, at that moment, I felt the assurance that he was someone who will create a big hole in the history of my burn book. My story.

And I wished for us to see each other again. And it came true. We did met again, and along the process, we text each other and exchange e-mails. Like how normal friends would do. We are now friends.
And I knew inside me, that the feelings I have yet to label were growing rapidly inside me. But I have to stay as his friend or else I will lose all my privilege of being a friend. Free talks, free hugs, free company. All those things were broken into pieces when he told me he liked someone I knew very much.
Someone I also loved.
A special friend; and I was no match for her. She has everything a girl could have and a guy could ask for. She was the perfect doll, the perfect girl for him. His type. And then there I was, standing behind them , feeling awfully stupid for having false hopes.

I am slowly falling for a guy who is out of my league. Someone who is going to the top while I am left at the bottom.
*sigh*

went alive again

Random things that happened this week
 Did some doodle at the back of my notebook while at the bus
 Bought a new notebook for no particular purpose
 Saw a Korean schoolmate at the bookstore
 Designed some notebooks for fun
 Took some pictures of myself in my webcam
 Had a cold
 Was invited to go to a spa
 Went to the spa with some good friends
 Annoyed because of the rain
 Loved the rain because it’s cold
 Went to school the next day
 Ate macaroni left overs
 Did some research
 Thought about how to market myself
 Answered and passed a 6-paged math homework
 Attended P.E class for the first time this school year
 Bought a new table tennis racket
 Met some new P.E friends
 Cold went worst
 Got home and slept
 Woke up and took a cold bath
 Got a fever
 Fever got worst after drinking medicine
 Slept
 Woke up
 Fever was gone but still had cold
 Watched A Bug’s Life at Disney channel
 Slept
 Woke up and cold went away after doing some prayers
 Watched SpongeBob
 Did some sketching
 Did some inking
 Did some typing
 Did some anime review
 Watched MJ’s This is it
 Gave cookie a bath
 Got bitten by cookie
 Bought some prepaid card
 Fixed my closet
 Did some drafts of costumes
 Did some sewing
 Charged my phone

♥ Hlaf-way across the cookie jar ^_^

♥\( ^ A ^ )/♥

weekend!!~~

^_^

my manga is half-way across the first chapter and i am suffering > . < although i am enjoying everything [even my overpopulated schedule]!~ ♥

my digital coloring also stepped up a bit (only a bit though OTL)
i am still discovering the wonders of photoshop. i hope I'll find my own style in this path someday~
^_^

heheheheh~


I've been playing Silent Hill recently too~ I dunno. Nostalgia maybe hehe~ the freaky graphics and the spooky OST just makes my sadistic nerves tingle :))

APH Epic day!!!~

❤*celebrates* yes yes yes ❤
it's my first APH shoot and I am loving it!!~ [PrussiaXHungary]
it's all good! it was epic ! our cosplayers... [Ami and Donjie] we're both so cute and raepable!!! \( ^ A ^ )/ ♥

nyaa~ ♥ ≧౩≦

the day was nice ^_^ we first went to Ami's place and chilled a bit... then we went on with the activity ^_^ [with Erving-sama, Andre, Jelani and meee!!] yey!

≧౩≦

i was doing some make up and assisting and i was also taking pictures with my digicam! \(｡◕‿‿◕｡)/
that day was reall fun! specially when were doing the shots and when we were thinking of ideas for the poses and stuff ^_^
it was so much fun being with Ami's hyper self and the others ~ they were all lovely ^_^

(｡◕‿‿◕｡)



♪ ( ◕ A ◕ )✿
♡♡ ♡♡
♡♡
♡♡

Erving-sama and Andre were great photographers ^_^ their shots were really amazing ~
donjie was super cute and Ami was really Hawt as Prussia~ ♡♡
i used to only like Prussia before, but after Ami cosplayed him, I am loving that smexy man!!! ~ lol

we all had fun doing the bully shots, the best buds shots and the kiss shots ~ all the shots were precious ~ nyahahahahah~ ♡

✿after the sun went down, we went to mcdonalds and ate dinner. [yeah! one large coke and a hot fudge sunday is what we call dinner! *laughs hard*]
it was nice to see hungary and Prussia in mcdonalds. I just wished America was also with us. then again, i haven't found a nice America cosplayer in Phil yet. I wish there was a handsome and hawt one like Ami. ^^✿

✿ ( ^ A ^ ) and who wouldn't forget about Matthew? *laughs harder* he's the epic guy everybody's been talking about ever since we started walking home ^_6
he's an epic guy who fails life more that rei does [and nobody fails more that rei!]
that's why he's awsome!!!~



*laughs so hard*

hahahah~ our next stop was Ami's place again, teh guys were wtahcing Jelani play prince of persia when we , the girls were talking about stuff and getiing ready for the "Bed Shots" ....

*breaths deep*

Oh gawd. yesh. Prussia and Hungary! OMG i will stop here. i cannot tell anymore private stuff. All i can say is that my camera and my fangirl self were very much satisfied hahahaha~

Thank you Ami, Erving-sama, Andre, Jelani and Donjie for making this day extraordinary!!!✿

Pictures are available @ >>>>>> http://azaleiahime.deviantart.com
and

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1817730795

a day under the sun with ice cream and sweat

- Me and my best pals went to the amusement park together to play and have fun!-

[what else would we do there?]

we were ready, with our personal stuff, our food, our drinks, our self and our hyperness in our pockets...but the heat of the sun and the sweat is just too much for young girls like us. even though we are full of energy and enthusiasm, you just can't help but feel tired even just walking around the place.

i can't really say much cuz i am not that good with words, but it was a hell of FUN FUN FUN!! for me. [ = ^ w ^= ] I'm really happy i was able to spend time with my high school friends... since summer vacation has come to an end, i really felt the spirit of frienship when we were all playing together. under the sun with our messy hair and melted make0up. even with these things,m we weren't perfect, we looked haggard and awful, but still, we were laughing together, as sisters... that really made my heart go "poof!"

[ # > ____ < # ]

(oh my, I;m becoming emotional... uuu ) lol!~

it was a very interesting and enjoyable day. thanks to my lovely sister lauren... who proveded me with survival necessities and support... to mara, for the ride, to donjie for the alcohol and all the things i asked from you, to patti for the food and to all of you again, for the love, the fun and the company...

too bad the others couldn't come at all... . [ > . < ] uuu~


*me and mara rode hot-air-bal;lon thingy ride, and when we tried to stay on one side, when the time that the ballon should be floating, it didn't float at all because we were too heavy. we were all laughing so hard... hahaha!!~

*we rode the carousel next,,, and i picked a blonde horse... because i like blonde people and the horse was pretty. the only problem is, my horse did not even move a single centimeter. it did not move up and down nor left and right while the others were enjoying their moving horses.

word of advice, "never ride a blonde horse... it doesn;t go all the way" LOL!!~ >__<

nothing in particular

♥




I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. but mostly about food *teehee!!~*
it's finally feeling like summer vacation, apart from the high temperature, i really do feel like being on vacation (=^___^=)

♥

I've been working on my 1st ever story-line with manga. before, i used to write stories, then compile a huge amount of oneshots and character illustrations ... but never a manga. where all the thingies happen... nu-uh. never. so I'm really hoping things would work out properly...

maybe it's because I've been hired as a layout and clean-up artist... for some reason, cathy-sama inspired me to develop my koi-series into a manga sequel rather than a novel. I really am no good in writing so i thought , why not try it ...

but I was really stupid to do this when summer's juts about to end. *sighs* i really like drafting anf planning... it's not too much work cuz the characters have already been planned out. all that is left is inking, cleaning, scanning and editing. of course i want it to look professional even if it's my 1st try.[ >__< ]

*kinchou!!~*

♥

i'M doing the Koi♥Series [cherry almond Koi ♥ SURU!~] WINTER ... [AkiXToki] I'll update the stories as soon as i finish the 1st volume ^ w ^ so everybody can read and understand what was going on in my head. :)





♥

i'm really nervous so i am working hard, not for anybody but for myself


\(｡◕‿‿◕｡)/




-あき

CHEERS!!~ =>____<=

YES YES YES and YES!!! CHEERS!!! it's the last day of summer school... that means, i get to sleep until noon, watch TV and surf the internet until my eyes drop!! no more math solutions !! *extreme happiness*

OMG!!!~ I have been waiting for this moment! the moment of relaxation and being carefree.... NOW it's finaly summer vacation. even if it's just for three weeks, I'm glad i have a chance to rest my nerves. *sigh*



i wanted a bigger lense... > . < OMG i love this.



i wanted to name this blog random brownies but then i t hought, all of my previous blog entries have been named randomly, and all of them has something to do with *random word insert here* *food*.

it's been like that for quite some time... but then again, why not name your blog with food, right?

OPERATION: ☆=black Pudding= ☆

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆



it's a very lazy Saturday. well, I've been in here for quite some time. i actually like Saturdays. i don't really have a Saturday staple but i do a lot of fun stuff whenever I'm out from school. I either stay at home, watch TV or i go out with my friends. ≥◦≤

i like the title of this blog ... ^ hehehe I'm writing a new extra for my latest story.. [Rozenweiz Blade Sonata] ♥


I really like that story ♥ . it has ninjas, mafias, robots, some kick-a** characters and a nice set of fanservice.
^ w ^ i really like writing even though I'm not very good with it. I used to love reading books a lot ... well,
used to... now, i don't just read and stay outdoors, i play hard and do a lot of fun stuff. except for this day of course.

after two weeks... of non-stop 'stayiing-up-late-cuz-of-exams' sequence broke the record unto my sched. lately, I have been lazy to put on make up, i stay up almost every night, my eyes look tired and puffed and i look terrible.



*sigh*

thanks to donjie and myka who have been cheering me up when they stopped by... they really made me happy ^________^ ちゃう ♥ ちゃう♥ ちゃう♥ ちゃう♥ for the two of you







i want cake!!!! I WANT CAKE RIGHT NOWW!!~ OMG

i'm so hungry. i haven't had breakfast. it's because of the title.... ^
I want pudding as well. i really like sweet things. OMG this has become random blog. what have I become???!!!!! ( > A < ) I HAVE BECOME A SWEET-TOOTH MONSTERRRR!!!~



OMG let's stop this. this is embarrassing hahahahaha >_____________________<


listening to : ♥♫Renai Circulation ♥♫


i love bakemonogatari... and i love this song. well, I love all their songs but this one is my recent fave. the video is really cool and really cute. it gives our meo-loving fans some Moe-loving-fuel. ^____^
i personally, love this video not just because of the song but also because the art is crisp yet at the same time, very defined and soft. the colors remind me of cotton candy and gummy bears. [ such a sweet tooth]...

i really like her character to.. specially her Seiyuu.

watch bakemonogatari if you're in for some unique and twisted plot. it's not really your typical anime. the animation is very neat and very nice. it has a lot of dialogues [monogatari= story] so some watchers become bored in the middle, but it gives a lot of unusual vibe that i really like. plus, pantsu shots really make the moe meter go up :).

still up to it eh? [buzzerSAUCE]

MAY 13 2010 [Thursday]



today was a nice day. although  i had a hard time working on my homework last night [until morning] , i was happy to find people to help me ^_______^ nyaha!~ MATH is really difficult. I'm not really good at it ... I'm really upset when I don't absorb the lesson much because i have to re-do the studying at home with my own way of learning. That way I can't read mangas ( > . < )

Recently, I've been reading manga online when I have nothing to do. but with my ever-so-busy schedule, i can only do it during weekends and if i get to go home earlier than usual. 



I also don't like walking outdoors when the hot is at it's highest. It's really hot during summer. I can feel the direct effect of climate change. OMG i hate the heat. i hate walking acroos a giant oven. It might feel good inside my room because i have airconditioner, but once i get out, arrghhh it's like living hell.

( = ^ A ^ = )/ ~ nyappies!!~





i like writing blogs here. it really relieves my stress. It's been very busy around here. [ =>_______<= ] ~
lately, i've been into various malls looking for a good fabric store. it turned out that Megamall was the best place to look for silk replacements. something like synthetic silk but cheaper and more managable. I don't like sewing silk, it's so hard to fold and cut and sew. it doesn't stay in place.

RANDOM KYAA OF THE DAY [ yukimuraaaaa!!!!!! so love love love ♫♥] nyahaha!~



so... It;s really nice that my blog sites have something on them now. >____< Most of the time, it's just empty and it's just where i junk out my pictures. but now, I've been hooked with with writing in my diary as well as maintaining my blogs well updated ^_^

but i've been having a lot of trouble lately. about a lot of things going in my head, about my weird dreams and about the complicated web of friends I have around me. きゅん☆



(\(\
(='.')
(_")")

this bunny really makes my nerves relax.




do you ever felt like you really like somebody but you're not sure if you really do like that person?
and on the other hand, there's this guys who really likes you, he told you he did and now he's courting you... but you're very confused since you already like somebody else? someone you have loved before, went away, the feeling stayed and then, next thing you know, you already moved on...

then after 2 years, he comes back then asks for your hand? well, that's kind the situation I'm in right now. I'm really confused. I'm really tired with all the people bugging me for unnecessary things and useless stuff.

always flooding my phone with useless group messages even though i already told them to stop?
i know it's really meant to say this but I just want to take a break from all the things that's been bugging me. not that i do not likw what i am doing...

i love the things i do... [summer class, worshops... etc]

it's just that, some people don't know their place within my schedule. even if i do let them know, they don'tk now how to respond or what to do or say. *sigh*

*DEEP SIGH*

I WILL BE WRITNG HERE SOON.

!~ tteeehheee!!!~

filth in beauty

The reverse side of beauty
It died by beloved filth.
sexual disgrace

The reverse side of beauty
It died by beloved filth.

幻惑の海　沈んだ蛍
否定は欲求上の嘘
矛盾で染まる体温
理性を被る愛撫に
踊り溶け込む春は不意に
汚らわしく
My mind which falls

Your seed and my seed never mixes.
The connection of this blood is eternal.
You cannot finish suppressing the desire.
To true daughter...(Sexual disgrace)

吐息塞ぐ脈打つ「飢え」は
解り合えぬ紅蓮を求む

Closet mind is distorted instability.
please release me before breaking.
How long...
In humiliation
The countless fatal scar was born.

(Sexual disgrace)

Prohibited bud...
Reckless driving memory...
The kin' collapses...
Near relatives on death...
The smell of a cigarette smell breath&shit
Moment that bitter white jam is mixed
Inside of a brain caused an error
and goes mad by the sweet bug

Your seed and my seed never mixes.
The connection of this blood is eternal.
You cannot finish suppressing the desire.
To true daughter...(Sexual disgrace)

首を這わす舌先と手
望む表情　紅蓮に染まれ

Closet mind is distorted instability.
please release me before breaking.
How long...
In humiliation
The countless fatal scar was born.

Closet mind is distorted instability.
please release me before breaking.
So long...
In humiliation
The final art is your dead face

Dad which fell to the trap

i love the gazettE band. i love them. their music makes my soul feel alive. 

i don't love the sand

 "don't discard the value of none, take a closer look, and you will find...that there is totally no value at all."

this is not mine. it's the quote he gave me when he gave me a present. he gave me, a magnifying glass with crystal decorations...

i asked why and he replied this....

although he was an object of the past, he continues to live within my present days. as a friend. as a rival. somebody unwanted. 

and i thank him. for because of him, i realized, i am not to love the sand. it's it's not meant to be between my toes....

★Post it

our band's last recording was successful ^_^ i was happy it turned out well even though our lead guitarist wasn't around. the keycoard saved us!!!~ ^ A ^

i'm learning new songs and I'm back with my piano lessons so I can improve myself. for some reason, i got tired of studying the piano by myself. i awlasy end up being lazy or if I did figure a piece out, it'll be incomplete or just half-way through.

i want a little push from somebody better than me ^_^ at least that's what i feel.

~

i'm still working on my evening gown design.... doing drapes and foldings makes my head burst. you really need a lot [ and i mean a lot] of patience to produce an excellent piece of art. and sadly, what i lack for the moment is pure patience. (>.<)

it's difficult to work on one specific subject when your team mates have a different perspective on how to do things. maybe this is the reason I don't like working in groups. but even if i wanted to do the design by myself, i can't. rules says I have to find a partner. ( -A w A- ) NYAHAH